Special Scorpian, Movies, Fun Network, Just Jolly, Jokes with Morals

1. A guy walks into a shop and says: "I'd like a gas cap for my KIA." The owner thinks for a few seconds and replies: "Ok, that seems like a fair trade." 2. "I rent a lot of cars, but I don't always know everything about them. So a lot of times, I drive for like ten miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it really doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake. It's really not an emergency brake; it's an emergency "make the car smell funny" lever." - Mitch Hedberg UK Car Rental 3.A husband buys his wife a car for Christmas ... "I don't like it" she says, "I want some what that goes from 0-140 in 3 seconds." So he comes back with a set of bathroom scales and says "stand on that you fat fucker!" 4. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? God drove Adam and Eve out of the garden in a fury. 5. Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone i...

Five important lessons to learn from a humble pencil. 1 . It tells you that everything you do will always leave a Mark 2. You can always correct the mistake you make 3. The important thing in life is what you are from inside and not from out side 4. In life you will undergo painful sharpenings which will make you better in whatever you do 5. Finally, to be the best you can be, you must allow yourself to be held and guided by the hand that holds you

It's half past 8 in the office but the lights are still on... PCs still running, coffee machines still buzzing...And who's at work? Most of them ??? Take a closer look...All or most specimens are ?? Something male species of the human race... Look closer... again all or most of them are bachelors...And why are they sitting late? Working hard? No way!!!Any guesses??? Let's ask one of them... Here's what he says... "What's there 2 do after going home...Here we get to surf, AC, phone, food, coffee that is why I am working late...Importantly no bossssssss!!!!!!!!!!! "This is the scene in most research centers and software companies andother off-shore offices.Bachelors "Time-passing" during late hours in theoffice just bcoz they say they've nothing else to do... Now what r the consequences... "Working" (for the record only) late hours soon becomes part of the institute or company cultu...

So want to become a kiddy, with a cycle travelling across the globe, then here are few places visit around the world. Visit the Travel Blog to get the tips to travel to choose your destinations.

Loan Loan Go Away Don't come any other way People need to live in a peaceful way Loan Loan Go Away..... Isn't this nice... People with lot of debts like this really ;)

This is an forwarded email, that I received one of my friends. In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb' ------------------------------------------- Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language. ------------------------------------------- The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. ------------------------------------------- Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury. ------------------------------------------- Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. ------------------------------------------- Coca-Cola was originally green. ------------------------------------------- It is impossible to lick your elbow. ---------------------------------...

2010 Security Suites: The Best and Worst

A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" the man asked. The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket". The man then said "When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on "The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. "Your horse phoned"

A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her armsaround his neck: "Darling, I have great news: " I'm a month overdue. I think we'regoing to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell,because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: " Are you Mrs. Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!" "How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman. "Well, ma'am, ! it's in our files!" says the man from the electric company. "What are you saying? It's in your files?????" "Absolutely." "Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight." That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull,rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning. "What's going on here? You have it on file that my...

A farmer orders an expensive milking machine. He decides to test it on himself first, so he inserts his manhood into the equipment and turns on the switch. Soon he realizes that the equipment provides him with more pleasure than his wife does. But when the fun is over, he realizes that he cannot remove the instrument from his tool, anxiously he reads the manual, but does not find any useful information. He tries every button on the instrument, without success. Finally the farmer decides to call the customer hotline. ''Hello, I just bought a cow milking machine from your company, it works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?'' "Don't worry sir'', replies the customer service person, ''the machine will release automatically once it has collected two liters!" EISH !!!!

I got this as a forwarded email. Thought, I should make you laugh. Spotted in a toilet of a London office: TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW. In a London Laundromat: AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT Outside a London second-hand shop: WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? Spotted in a safari park: ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR Seen during a London conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR Notice in a field: THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES On a repair shop door: WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR, THE BELL DOESN'T WORK) People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the world : At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. ...

This is an forwarded mail to me regarding an JAVA Interview. Q. What is the difference between an Abstract class and Interface? A. Terms are different ... nothing more Q. What is JFC ? A. Jilebi, Fanta & Coffee Q. Explain 2 tier and 3 -tier Architecture ? A. Two wheelers like scooters will have 2 tyres and autorickshaws will have 3 tyres. Q. I want to store more than 10 objects in a remote server ? Which methodology will follow ? A. Send it through courier. Q. Can I modify an object in CORBA ? A. As you wish , I do not have any objections. Q. How to communicate 2 threads each other ? A. Non living things can't communicate. Q. What is meant by flickering ? A. Closing and opening of eyes at girls. Q. Explain RMI Architecture? A. I am a computer professional not an architect student. Q. What is the use of Servlets ? A. In hotels, they can replace servers. Q. What is the dif ference between Process and Threads ? A. Threads are small ropes. Make a rope from threads is an example for...

A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors Clinic. He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?" She replied, "I'm having a baby. "With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?" She answered, "He sure is." Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?" She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby. "With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked "Then why did you eat him?"

Teacher: "What is your name?". Student: "Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai." Teacher: "When I ask a question in English, answer it in english." Student: "My name is Sunlight. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- Teacher: What happened in 1869? Student: Gandhi ji was born. Teacher : What happened in 1873? Student: Gandhiji was four years old. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- Question: What is the fullform of maths. Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ? Student : BROTHERLY LOVE ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- Teacher : Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August. Student: A holiday ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- Teacher : Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.Everyone ...

Grandma was saying good-night to Little Johnny when he remarked, "Mommy and Daddy have some very important visitors downstairs." Grandma replied, "Yes they do, but what makes you think they are important?" "Just listen," Little Johnny replied. "Mommy is laughing at all Daddy's jokes!" _______ A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. Shestarted her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, standup!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Doyou think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to seeyou standing there all by yourself!" ________ Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream onher face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myselfbeautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with atissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Gi...

Valentine – is really meant to say – lovely, loving, lovable, C’est amour! And so on. It is not only meant for the Lovers, but as well to express the true love for your brother’s, Sisters and Parents too. The real history is bit different, though in the modern times it meant to mean only for Love (A boy and A Girl), this is due to the media and other business reasons the world Valentine, has been changed. Though the history states that it the secret love, it meant to say that the soldiers who were in the battle field had to miss their family, wife and children, till the peace comes. So the Valentines Day was formed, that to express their love to their parents, brothers, sisters, children (Son’s and Daughters) and friends. Valentine's day isn't just for couples,It's for friends too....It's a special day set aside,To say thanks for all you do,And to let you know how grateful I am,To have a friend like you....There have been many times,That you were always there,Without a...

David Bissonette When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Socrates By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Dumas The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want? Sigmund Freud I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Anonymous "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." Sam Kinison "There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." James Holt McGavran ...