Friday, March 27, 2009

Frying Pan & Husband and Wife Jokes

A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" the man asked.

The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket".

The man then said "When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on

"The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.

Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.

"Your horse phoned"

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A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE OF MISCOMMUNICATION!!!

A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her armsaround his neck: "Darling, I have great news: " I'm a month overdue. I think we'regoing to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell,because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "

Are you Mrs. Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, ! it's in our files!" says the man from the electric company.

"What are you saying? It's in your files?????"

"Absolutely." "Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight."

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull,rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning.
"What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.

"Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."

"PAY you? and if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.

"! I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

"WWWHHAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTT?????

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Milking Machine

A farmer orders an expensive milking machine. He decides to test it on himself first, so he inserts his manhood into the equipment and turns on the switch. Soon he realizes that the equipment provides him with more pleasure than his wife does.

But when the fun is over, he realizes that he cannot remove the instrument from his tool, anxiously he reads the manual, but does not find any useful information.

He tries every button on the instrument, without success. Finally the farmer decides to call the customer hotline.

''Hello, I just bought a cow milking machine from your company, it works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?''

"Don't worry sir'', replies the customer service person, ''the machine will release automatically once it has collected two liters!"

EISH !!!!

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Thursday, March 19, 2009

See the English! Sorry Read the English Jokes Here :)

I got this as a forwarded email. Thought, I should make you laugh.

Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

In a London Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

Outside a London second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a London conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR, THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the world :

At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctors office, Rome :
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco :
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD WAIT AND SEE THE MANAGER.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

In a Calcutta Coffee House:
PEOPLE DISCARDING CIGARETTE STUBS IN CUPS WILL BE SERVED COFFEE IN ASH TRAYS

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